Is it Possible to Marry the Right Person?
In this day and age of fast everything, from fast food to fast cars and 72 marriages making the headlines in one day, is it still possible to find the one? Can we still find that connection with that single person who will make us happy, help us grow and thrive? Can we marry the right person?
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Yes, we can. This isn't to say we can't choose the wrong person, but the chances of being in a fulfilling happy marriage are relatively high. According to a survey from 2004, 42% of married couples describe themselves as happy. While not the majority, it's higher than those who say they are not in a happy marriage or are happy singles.
If it's possible, the next question is: How do you go about finding the one who will put you in the 42 percentile?
In Thrive, Dan Buettner's guide to a happy, long life, he suggests a few specific steps you can take to find that happiness. You just have to commit to the effort. Sounds cliche, but it's the truth in those cliches that we can reap some wisdom.
When looking for that person, the first thing to do is look beyond the physical. Yes, physical attraction is important, but keep in mind that looks fade and if there's nothing of substance beneath the surface, there's no chance of it lasting. Beyond the physical, are they compassionate? Responsible? Caring? These are some questions you should be asking to find someone for the long run.
You've heard you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find the prince". Its the truth (Well, you don't necessarily have to kiss them). Look at it this way: you wouldn't buy the first version of new software because, well, it's the first version. There are usually bugs in it and it takes at least until 2.0 or more to work through the kinks. The same theory applies to finding the partner that will make you happy. While there are stories of high school and college sweethearts who are still together, most people grow and change as they go through lifeeach experience shaping them in some way. Chances are, the person you we're with when you we're 18 isn't the person they are today. Its important to find someone who will grow and change with you, someone whose interests run parallel with yours.
Which brings us to the next point: do you marry someone with whom you have common interests or not? There are two schools of thought here. One is, if you're a competitive person then find someone who at least is willing to try to keep up with you. Studies have shown that people who share similar interests, similar tastes and earning power will make for a happier marriage. The opposite advice is also held that for competitive people which is it's best to find someone whose interests don't mirror yours, otherwise it could bring out an unpleasant side of your competitive spirit. If you love romcom movies, but can't stand anything with a gun in it, chances are marrying someone whose favorite movies involve lots of car chases and explosions won't put you in that targe t42 percentile.
Now after you've kissed all the frogs you can and think you've found the one who will morph into your perfect partner, what happens next?
Some studies advocate living together, but in Dan Buettner's book, Thrive, he's noted that studies show marriages where people co-habitated before saying "I do", we're in less fulfilling, lower quality marriages.
One more thing that can lead to a happy marriage: Training. Yes, training. Learning how to deal with things with another person, can be crucial. Marriage training can teach you how to talk to each other, keep the other persons feelings and opinions in clear view and show you a better way to resolve issues that come up. Learning to talk without prejudice is crucial, because we all know words can be damaging. In studies, only 4% of couples who took marriage training separated after five years. Compare that to the 25% of partners who didn't, and you can see the difference that even one positive step can make.
After all is said and done, the question of whether or not it's possible to have a happy marriage comes back to one thing. You and your partner must be willing to make the effort. If you do, it's not only possible, it's probable.
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Posted in Personal Development Post Date 10/21/2019